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A tale about consultants.  Dunno about any of you out there, but this reminds me particularly of a certain group of consultants from a company that's spelled Accenture and pronounced Ass-Enter.


A shepherd was herding his flock in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advances out of the dust cloud towards him. The driver, a young man in a Broni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leaned out of the window and asked the shepherd, "If I tell you exactly how many sheep you have in your flock, will you give me one?"

The shepherd looked at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looked at his peacefully-grazing flock and calmly answered, "Sure."

The yuppie parked his car, whipped out his notebook and connected it to a cell phone, then he surfed to a NASA page on the Internet where he called up a GPS satellite navigation system, scanned the area, and then opened up a database and an Excel spreadsheet with complex formulas. He sent an email on his Blackberry and after a few minutes, received a response. Finally, he prints out a 150 page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized printer then turns to the shepherd and says, "You have exactly 1586 sheep."

"That is correct; take one of the sheep", said the shepherd.

He watches the young man select one of the animals and bundle it into his car.

Then the shepherd says: "If I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my sheep?"

"OK, why not" answered the young man.

"Clearly, you are a consultant," said the shepherd.

"That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"

"No guessing required," answers the shepherd. "You turned up here although nobody called you.  You want to get paid for an answer I already know, to a question I never asked, and you don't know crap about my business.  Now give me back my dog."

 


 

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     Copyright 2002-2004 - David Charles Reed Last Updated: 06 January 2005