Home  Blog  Comestibles  Humor  Miscellaneous  About Me


 

 

The New Years' Resolution is a culture thing, I'm sure.  I haven't heard of any Chinese vowing mid-January what they're gonna do in the upcoming year.

Some easy-to-follow resolutions.  These are also great things to put on your goals for your job to make sure you get that end-of-quarter bonus for meeting all of your objectives.

  • Do not knowingly eat plutonium.
  • Do not spontaneously combust.
  • Do not engage in non-standard accounting practices.
  • Do not overthrow any sovereign nation.
  • Avoid being mobbed by supermodels.
  • Do not eat anything larger than my head by myself and/or in one sitting.
  • Do not develop weapons of mass destruction.
  • Do not find it necessary to restate my earnings.
  • Do not arouse the suspicions of Tom Ridge.
  • Be polite to people carrying guns.
    • Corollary 1: Be extra polite if you're sure the gun is loaded.
    • Corollary 2: Do not make sudden moves that may alarm them.
  • Do not invade sovereign nations on the suspicion that they might have weapons of mass destruction.  Or weapons of mass destruction program related material.
  • If I ever hire a nanny, make sure she's legally in the country and that I pay her properly so as to avoid scandals when being appointed to a high public office.
  • Shun any super powers.

More as I think of 'em.

 


 

Soccer
Photos
Send Dave
Into Space
Stop the
Front Range
Toll Road!
Fight!
 
     Copyright 2002-2004 - David Charles Reed Last Updated: 06 January 2005