Home  Blog  Comestibles  Humor  Miscellaneous  About Me


 

 

A friend forwarded this to me.  When I was done laughing, I realized I had to put it up here.


I never quite figured out why the sexual urges of men and women differ so much.  And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.  I have never figured out why the sexual desire gene gets thrown into a state of turmoil, when it hears the words "I do."

For example:

One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed.  Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."

I said "WHAT????!!! What was that?!"

So she says the words that every husband on the planet dreads to hear: "You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big, unnamed dept. store.  I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits.  She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'll just buy them all.  She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, lets get a pair for each outfit.  We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings.

Let me tell you...she was so excited.  She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck.  I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.  I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey."  She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.

Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No, honey, I don't feel like it."

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, "WHAT???!!!"

I then said, "Really honey!  I just want you to hold this stuff for awhile. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either.


 

Soccer
Photos
Send Dave
Into Space
Stop the
Front Range
Toll Road!
Fight!
 
     Copyright 2002-2004 - David Charles Reed Last Updated: 06 January 2005