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Someone sent this to me last year.  I thought it hilarious.  In a sick sort of way...

Christmas Puppies For Sale

It's that time of year again.  It is so hard to find an original gift.  Why not a puppy?  They are so cute and sure to be a big hit on Christmas morning.  Even somebody that doesn't like dogs will get attached to the fuzzy little puppy with the big eyes.  Puppies are truly a gift for everyone.

Our company produces thousands of puppies each year.  We manufacture puppies by the truck load and ship them to pet stores all over the country.  Now for the first time you can buy direct from the mill and save hundreds of dollars.

 We have all breeds and will have thousands available for Christmas ranging from 3 weeks old to 6 months.  We recommend that you get them as young as possible because they are so cute when they are tiny.  Sure they may suffer nutritionally from not having the mother's milk, and they may not be able to relate socially to other dogs but its worth it to get one while they are so cute.

All of our dogs will come with authentic papers.  Not that we give a hoot about the pedigree or even make an attempt to ensure that the papers match the pup but the papers are authentic and are suitable for framing.  Won't that impress the special someone on your Christmas list?  These authentic papers mean that you can also breed your dog and make back your original investment many times over.  Don't worry about producing too many puppies: most local governments have an animal control department that will destroy the unwanted dogs for free.  That's the beauty of our business: if you sell someone a bad pup they can have it killed and you can sell them a new breed next year.

All of our puppies are raised in small wire cages and learn to relieve themselves where they sleep.  This means you will never have to house train your pup.  You can keep him in the small crate his entire life.  If you have guests over you can always take him out and clean him up and he will look like a normal dog.  Of course if you do take him out of the crate be careful, you may never be able to house train your puppy.  Be prepared for other behavioral problems that may arise out of living in a wire cage for the first part of his life.

Health Problems: Some have accused us of selling sickly puppies and some even ask if we have any type of health guarantee.  We guarantee that your puppy will be alive when you get it.  We may have more health problems than legitimate breeders but a few trips to the vet should clear up most problems.  If it gets too bad, you can always buy a new puppy.  Some breeders waste thousands of dollars testing for potential genetic health problems; not us, we save that money and use it to buy nice stuff for ourselves.

The bottom line is, if you are looking for long-term family pet to be part of your household for years to come go to a reputable breeder.  If you are looking for a disposable puppy that looks just as cute and care to save a few bucks stop by your local pet store and be sure to ask for Puppy Mills Farm brand of puppies.  Or better yet: order yours direct from the mill and save even more.

Take advantage of our Christmas special now for a limited time only, buy 2 sickly dogs at the regular price and get one nearly dead dog for free. Call today to ensure delivery by Christmas morning 1-900-SICKDOG.

 


 

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     Copyright 2002-2004 - David Charles Reed Last Updated: 06 January 2005