Home  Blog  Comestibles  Humor  Miscellaneous  About Me


 

 

Let's get this straight: this web page is intended as a lark, not as something wholesome or pure..  If you have problems with it, don't visit again.  If you don't like what you find here, same deal.  If the recipes here make you sick, serve them to enemies.

And, if you don't like the opinions expressed here, I don't care.

I actually think that the latter is gonna bug people more: that I don't give a damn whether I've offended them or not.  And I don't.  If I have, good.  Maybe it'll make them think a bit and be able to defend their own opinions.  If I haven't offended them, they're either a like-minded individual or a mindless drone who'll believe whatever thought is served up to them.  And then I want them on my side anyway rather than following the orders of some moron.

Anyway....

I'm putting this here for the lawyers.  I'd make disparaging remarks about lawyers, but that would be redundant.

!CAUTION! SHOCK HAZARD! Authorized personnel only.

(TM) Registered trademark.

100% satisfaction guaranteed.

Access hole only - not intended for use in lifting box.  Action figures sold separately.  Actual mileage may vary.  Additional figures sold separately.  Address correction requested.  All content is offered "as-is," without any warranty of suitability.  All cups leaving this store, rather full or empty, must be paid for.  All models over 18 years of age.  All natural.  All rights reserved.  All stunts done by professional driver on a closed course.  Allow four to six weeks for delivery.  An equal opportunity employer.  Any imperfections are inherent in the material.  Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead is unintentional and purely coincidental.  Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.  Apply only to affected area.  Approved for veterans.  As seen on TV.  Ask your doctor or pharmacist.  At participating locations only.  Avoid contact with eyes and skin and avoid inhaling fumes.  Avoid contact with mucous membranes.  Avoid contact with skin.  Avoid electric or magnetic fields.  Avoid exposing this product to gasoline, cleaning solvents, aerosol sprays, adhesive agents, paint, etc.  Avoid extreme temperatures and store in a cool dry place.  Avoid inhaling fumes.

Batteries not included.  Be sure each item is properly endorsed.  Best if used before date on carton.  Beware of dog.  Booths for two or more.  Breaking seal constitutes acceptance of agreement.

Call before you dig.  Call toll-free for more information.  Cash value 1/20 of a cent.  Caution - wet floor.  Caution: overheating may cause loss of filling.  Caution: The contents of this bottle should not be fed to fish.  Caveat emptor.  Check here if tax deductible.  Choking hazard: This toy is a small ball.  Clerk cannot open safe.  Close cover before striking.  Colors may, in time, fade.  Consumer assumes full responsibility.  Contains a substantial amount of non-tobacco ingredients.  Contains no artificial colors or ingredients.  Contains no phosphorus.  Contains some violent scenes.  Contents may settle during shipment.  Contents under pressure.  Contestants have been briefed on some questions before the show.  Critical clearances, motorcycle compatibility and stability, load bearing capacity, speed rating, radial versus non-radial, pattern and tread compound requirements, inflation recommendations, and front-to-rear tire matching will all vary with tire selection.

DANGER - High Voltage.  Decision of judges is final.  Details inside.  Do not dangle the mouse by its cable or throw the mouse at co-workers.  Do not dispose of in fire.  Do not disturb.  Do not drive car or operate machinery.  Do not drive cars in ocean.  Do not eat.  Do not exceed 6 doses in a 24-hour period.  Do not exceed recommended dosage.  Do not expose to flame.  Do not fold, spindle or mutilate.  Do not fold.  Do not immerse.  Do not ingest food, liquid or any antacid when stomach is overly full to avoid possible injury to the stomach.  Do not iron clothes on body.  Do NOT leave microwave unattended when not in use.  Do not light in face.  Do not look at laser.  Do not open except at approved static free workstation.  Do not open.  Do not place near a flammable or magnetic source.  Do not place near flammable or magnetic source.  Do not puncture, incinerate, or store above 120 degrees Fahrenheit.  Do not puncture, incinerate, or store above 120 Fahrenheit.  Do not put in mouth.  Do not put lit candles on phone.  Do not read web page if safety seal is broken.  Do not recharge, put in backwards or use.  Do not remove this disclaimer under penalty of law.  Do not remove this tag under penalty of law.  Do not shake vigorously.  Do not stamp.  Do not try this at home.  Do not turn upside down.  Do not use hair dryer in tub or shower.  Do not use if safety seal is broken.  Do not use in shower.  Do not use on an infant.  Do not use orally.

Do not use this product for persistent or chronic cough such as occurs with smoking, asthma, emphysema, or if cough is accompanied by excessive phlegm (mucus), or if you have a heart disease, high blood pressure, thyroid disease, diabetes, glaucoma, a breathing problem such as emphysema or chronic bronchitis or difficulty in urination due to enlargement of prostate gland, unless directed by a doctor.

Do not use while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment.  Do not use while sleeping.  Do not write below this line.  Documents are provided "as is" without any warranties expressed or implied, written or not written, verbal or not, dreamt or not, or imagined or not.  Does not enable user to fly.  Dolphin safe.  Don't quote me on anything.  Don't quote me on that.  Don't try this in your living room- these are trained professionals.   Dramatization.  Driver does not carry cash.  Drop in any mailbox.  Dry clean only.  Dry Paint.

Eat contents.  Edited for television.  Employees and their families are not eligible.  Enlarged to show detail.  Everyone is subject to the laws of Darwinism whether or not they believe in them, agree with them or accept them.  Excludes Alaska, Hawaii, and Puerto Rico.  Expletive deleted. 

Facilities within 7 miles of each other are considered to be the same facility.  Falling rock.  First pull up, then pull down.  Fits one head.  Food and odors Attract bears.  For a limited time only.  For adults only.  For children only.  For external use only.  For indoor or outdoor use only.  For indoor use only.  For internal use only.  For lifting purposes only.  For off-road use only.  For office use only.  For official use only.  For outdoor use only.  For recreational use only.  Fragile - don't rock.  Free from hormones or antibiotics.  Freshest if eaten before date on carton.

Hand wash only, tumble dry on low heat.  Hand wash only.  Handle with care. 

If left parked for over 10 minutes, may be towed.  I'm not a real person, but I play one online.  I am the walrus.  If a rash, redness, irritation, or swelling develops, discontinue use.  If condition persists, consult your physician.  If defects are discovered, do not attempt to fix them yourself, but return to an authorized service center.  If ingested do not induce vomiting.  If personality problems persist, consult your psychologist.  If rash, irritation, redness or swelling occur, discontinue use.  If swallowed, call a physician or contact a poison control center immediately.  If swallowed: drink a glass of water to dilute.  If symptoms persist, consult a physician.  If you notice any abnormal phenomena such as smoke, strange sounds or fumes, unplug the monitor and contact your dealer or service center immediately.  If you have reached this page or received this page in error, you may need to restate your earnings.  Illustrations are slightly enlarged to show detail.  In case of eye contact, rinse thoroughly with water for 15 minutes.  In case of flash flood, proceed uphill quickly.  Individually packaged, not for resale.  Instructions are included.

Keep away from children.  Keep away from fire or open flame.  Keep away from open flames and avoid inhaling fumes.  Keep away from pets and small children.  Keep away from sunlight, pets, small children, and lawyers.  Keep cool; process promptly.  Keep off the grass.  Keep out of reach of children.

Lather, rinse, repeat if desired.  Licensed for home exhibition only.  Limit one-per-family please.  Limit one per customer per visit.  Limit one per customer.  Limit three garments at a time in dressing room.  Limited time offer, call now to insure prompt delivery.  List at least two alternate dates.  List each check separately by bank number.  List was current at time of printing.  Long-term exposure to direct sunlight can cause fluorescent coloring to fade.  Lost ticket pays maximum rate.

Made with 100% recycled material.  Malfunction: Too less water.

Many suitcases look alike, check the tags to insure you have your own.  May be harmful if swallowed.  May be hazardous to health if consumed in excessive quantities.  May be too intense for some viewers.  May cause anal leakage.  May contain material some readers may find objectionable.  May explode if recharged improperly.  Mileage may vary.  Monitor sold separately.  Must be 18 or older to enter.  Must be 21.  Must be over 18 or have your parent's permission.

Net weight before cooking.  No alcohol, dogs, or horses.  No anchovies unless otherwise specified.  No animals were harmed in the production of this site although test kittens were routinely exposed to insults.  No Canadian coins.  No checks.  No COD's.  No comment.  No deposit, no return.  No diving.  No dogs allowed.  No Lifeguard on Duty.  No money down.  No MSG.  No other warranty expressed or implied.  No parking.  No passes accepted for this engagement.  No passes, please.  No postage necessary if mailed in the United States.  No preservatives added.  No purchase necessary.  No rain checks.  No salt, MSG, artificial color or flavor added.  No salt, MSG, artificial color or flavoring added.  No shoes, no shirt, no service.  No soliciting.  No stopping or standing.  No substitution allowed.  No Surveyors or Surveying Without Written Permission.  No toddlers.  No trade-in allowances.  No transfers issued until the bus comes to a complete stop.  NO TURN ON RED 9am-7pm M-F EXCEPT TRUCKS.  No user-serviceable parts inside.  Not a birth control device.  Not a step.  Not a toy.  Not actual size.  Not affiliated with the American Red Cross.  Not dishwasher safe.  Not edited for television.  Not for human consumption.  Not for resale.  Not for use with the Republican party.  Not intended for off-road use.  Not legal for trade.  Not liable for damages arising from use or misuse.  Not liable for damages from use or misuse.  Not recommended for children under 12.  Not recommended for children.  Not responsible for damages.  Not responsible for direct, indirect, incidental or consequential damages resulting from any defect, error or failure to perform.  Not responsible for lost or stolen items.  Not responsible for typographical errors.  Not the Beatles.  Not to be used as a personal floatation device.  Not usable while scuba diving (except at depths that require helium-oxygen gas).

Objects in mirror may be closer than they appear.  Offer valid only at participating locations.  Offer void where prohibited by law.  One backup copy may be made.  One per customer.  One size fits all.  Only the names have been changed to protect the innocent.  Open packet.  Opened for inspection.  Organically grown.  Other copyright laws for specific entries apply wherever noted.  Other restrictions may apply.  Overexposure to vapors may result in central nervous system depression characterized by dizziness, staggering gait, loss of coordination, headache, and nausea.

Package sold by weight, not volume.  Packaged by weight, not volume: some settling may occur during shipping.  Parental advisory - explicit lyrics.  Parental guidance suggested.  Parental warning: HTML may contain explicit material.  Past performance should not be used to determine future growth.  Patent-pending.  PC Load-letter.  Penalty for private use.  Persons on a sodium-restricted diet should use this product only on directions from a physician.  Picture ID required.  Place stamp here.  Please keep out of children.  Please remain seated until the browser has come to a complete stop.  Please remove before driving.  Please report all bear incidents to a park ranger.  Post office will not deliver without postage.  Postage will be paid by addressee.  Prerecorded for this time zone.  Prescriptions cannot be filled by phone.  Price does not include taxes.  Price shown does not include tax.  Private property: No trespassing.  Processed at location stamped in code at top of carton.  Product will be hot after heating.

Quantities are limited while supplies last. 

Raised without cages.  Read all instructions and warnings before using product.  Read at your own risk.  Record additional transactions on back of previous stub.  Recorded live in front of a studio audience.  Refrigerate after opening.  Remain seated until it has come to a complete stop.  Remove plastic before eating.  Replace with same type.  Reproduction strictly prohibited.  Restaurant package, not for resale.  Results atypical.  Return to an authorized service center.  Return to sender, no forwarding order on file, unable to forward.  Ribbed for your pleasure.  Rotate your tires.

Safety goggles may be required during use.  Sanitized for your protection.  Save these instructions.  Sealed for your protection.  See label for sequence.  Serving suggestion: Defrost.  Shading within a garment may occur.  Shake well before use.  Shoplifters will be prosecuted to the fullest extent allowable by law.  Sign here without admitting guilt.  Simulated picture.  Slightly enlarged to show detail.  Slightly higher in Alaska and Hawaii.  Slightly higher west of the Mississippi.  Slippery when wet.  Sneakers only.  Software is not returnable.  Some assembly required.  Some dealer restrictions may apply.  Some equipment shown is optional.  Some of the trademarks mentioned in this product appear for identification purposes only.  Store in a cool, dry place.  Store in a dry place 15-30 C (59-88 F).  Subject to approval.  Subject to CAB approval.  Subject to change without notice.  Subject to FCC approval.  Substantial penalty for early withdrawal.  Suggested serving.

Tag may only be removed by consumer.  Take care, new non-slip surface.  Tax-deductible if you itemize deductions.  Terms are subject to change without notice.  The air may contain chemicals known to cause cancer and reproductive toxicity.  The best safeguard, second only to abstinence, is the use of a condom.  The use of the name "Bill Gates" does not imply endorsement by Bill Gates or the Microsoft Corporation.  There is no trial, no jury, no argument and no appeal.  These rows reserved for parents with children.  This door alarmed from 7:00pm - 7:00am.  This is a test.  This is an equal opportunity document.  This is not a citation.  This is not an offer to sell securities.  This is only a test.  This product is meant for educational purposes only.  This production is meant for educational purposes only.  This site does not reflect the thoughts or opinions of either myself, my company, my friends, or my dogs.  This space intentionally left blank.            This supersedes all previous notices.  This web page is not designed for use or resale as on-line control equipment in hazardous environments requiring fail-safe systems, such as in the operation of nuclear facilities, aircraft navigation or communication systems, air traffic control, direct life support machines, or weapons systems.  Times approximate.  Tumble dry on low heat.  Turn off motor before using this product.

Under penalty of law, tag not to be removed except by consumer.  Unix is a registered trademark of AT&T.  Unix is a registered trademark of Novell.  Unix is a registered trademark of Unix Systems Labs.  Use like regular soap.  Use of this product in a manner inconsistent with its labeling is a violation of federal law.  Use only as directed.  Use only in a well-ventilated area.  Use other side for additional listings.  User assumes full liabilities; not liable for damage due to use, misuse, no-use, or otherwise.

Vapors form an explosive mixture in air between the upper and lower explosive limits which can be ignited by many sources such as pilot lights, open flames, electrical motors and switches.  Void if removed.  Void where prohibited.

Warning! Surface is HOT.  Warning: contents under pressure.  Warning: May cause drowsiness.  Warning: May contain nuts.  Warning: Misuse may cause injury or death.  Warning: This product can burn eyes.  Warning: This product may kill you.  Warranty void if removed.  Warranty void if serviced by  non-authorized personnel.  We have sent the forms which seem right for you.  We will be closed in observance of this legal holiday.  Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.  Wet Paint.  Wheelchair accessible.

You break it, you buy it.  You could be a winner! No purchase necessary.  You may distribute this message freely.  You may have additional rights which vary from state to state.  You may not copy or redistribute anything without written permission from the President.  You must be ::this:: tall to read this web page.  You must be present to win.  You need not be present to win.  Your canceled check is your receipt.  Your mileage may vary.  Your use of this system is subject to monitoring at all times.

If something offends you, lighten up, get a life, and move on.

This website contains forward-looking statements that involve risks and uncertainties. Such forward-looking statements include statements regarding the results of product development efforts and clinical trials, and the scope and success of future operations. Such statements are only predictions and our actual results may differ materially from those anticipated in these forward-looking statements. Factors that may cause such differences include, but are not limited to, those discussed under “Risk Factors” and elsewhere in our filings with the Securities and Exchange Commission, including the uncertainties associated with product development, the risk that products that appeared promising in early clinical trials do not demonstrate efficacy in larger-scale clinical trials, the risk that we will not obtain approval to market our products, the need for additional financing, and the dependence upon collaborative partners.

Disclaimer does not cover hurricane, lightning, tornado, tsunami, volcanic eruption, earthquake, flood, and other Acts of God, misuse, neglect, unauthorized repair, damage from improper installation, damage from improper use, broken antenna or marred cabinet, incorrect line voltage, missing or altered serial numbers, sonic boom vibrations, electromagnetic radiation from nuclear blasts, customer adjustments that are not covered in the above aforementioned list, and incidents owing to airplane crash, ship sinking or taking on water, motor vehicle accidents, leaky roof, broken glass, falling rocks, mud slides, forest fire, insane kids, evil clowns, dropping the item, or damage from projectile (which can include, but not be limited to, arrows, bullets, shot, BB's, shrapnel, lasers, napalm, torpedoes, or emissions of X-rays, Alpha, Beta and Gamma rays, knives, stones, missiles, etc.) ; other restrictions may apply.

 
 
"The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers."
- William Shakespeare
 


 

Soccer
Photos
Send Dave
Into Space
Stop the
Front Range
Toll Road!
Fight!
 
     Copyright © 2002-2004 - David Charles Reed Last Updated: 06 January 2005