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Kids always seem to have so much energy.  I thought it was natural.  Now that I have one, I realize that it isn't.  It's just that they suck the energy out of their parents.

- David Reed

No, these aren't all mine.  But I do love quotes.

 

Computers

The computer allows you to make mistakes faster than any other invention, with the possible exception of handguns and tequila.
- Mitch Ratcliffe
Managing senior programmers is like herding cats.
- Dave Platt
A computer scientist is someone who fixes things that aren't broken.
The only thing more dangerous than a hardware guy with a code patch is a programmer with a soldering iron.
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
- Rich Cook
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
- Edsgar W. Dijkstra
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
#define QUESTION ((bb) || !(bb))
- Shakespeare
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should therefore be regarded as a criminal offense.
- Edsgar.W. Dijkstra
If debugging is the process of removing software bugs, then programming must be the process of putting them in.
Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.
There are two ways to write error-free programs; only the third one works.
- Alan J. Perlis
Relax! It's only 1's and 0's.
If you can't beat your computer at chess, try kick-boxing.
- Matt Larson
I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
- Thomas Watson, Chairman of IBM, 1943
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
- Ken Olson, President/Founder of Digital Equipment Corp., 1977
E-mail - When it absolutely, positively has to get lost at the speed of light.
- Jerry Vuoso
The only truly secure computer is one buried in concrete, with the power turned off and the network cable cut.
640K ought to be enough for anybody.
- Bill Gates, 1981
 

Business

This 'telephone' has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered as a means of communication.
- Western Union internal memo, 1876
In the future, airplanes will be flown by a dog and a pilot. And the dog's job will be to make sure that if the pilot tries to touch any of the buttons, the dog bites him.
- Scott Adams
26.2% of all statistics are just made up.
I didn't say it was your fault; I said that I was going to blame you.
This e-mail is intended for the designated recipient only. If you have received this in error, you may need to restate your earnings for one or more quarters.
 

Life

We're the middle children of history. No purpose or place. We have no Great War. No Great Depression. Our Great War is a spiritual war... our Great Depression is our lives.
- Tyler Durden
I'm not an alcoholic. I am a drunk! Alcoholics go to meetings.
Fame is proof that people are gullible.
We were raised on television to believe that we'd all be millionaires, movie gods, rock stars, but we won't. And we're slowly learning that fact. And we're very, very pissed off.
- Tyler Durden
If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in the world, all you have to do is go to a state fair. Because five minutes at the fair, you'll be going, 'you know, we're alright. We are dang near royalty!
- Jeff Foxworthy
You have to be prepared for the possibility that God does not like you.
- Tyler Durden
George: What should we do if we step on a land-mine?
Blackadder: Well George, standard procedure is to jump 200 ft. up in the air and scatter yourself over a large area!
I'm patient with stupidity, but not with those who are proud of it.
- Edith Sitwell
Never confuse motion for action.
- Benjamin Franklin
God gives us relatives; thank God we can chose our friends.
We are ready for any unforeseen event which may or may not happen.
- George W. Bush
They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a litte temporary safety deserve neither.
- Benjamin Franklin
When forced to choose between two evils, try the new one.
She asked me how I became so cynical about women...and then she provided the evidence. 
- David Reed
You can't please everyone. But it is possible to piss 'em all off at the same time.
 


 

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     Copyright 2002-2004 - David Charles Reed Last Updated: 06 January 2005